EL DIARIO DE YUNA ♥

when i was thirteen, i couldn't wait to be eighteen. i thought i'd know it all by then - have all the answers and that price freedom. and when i was sixteen, i planed to be married by age twenty-three, with two kids. i'll always smile to myself when i think about how time changes things. and when i turned twenty three i made a list of as many goals as i had in years. by my 24th birthday, i'd accomplished them all. 

and a funny thing happens about the time you turn twenty-four. people start asking about marriage and kids and houses. and you begin to worry about savings, retirement, and health insurance. and sometimes you start to compare your 24 years with anyone else's. you wonder if you're on the right tract because it's different from all the people you're surrounded by. you start going to your friends wedding and buying baby gift for second birthdays. and suddenly you realize you're at the exact age that seemed so far away just five years ago. 

i've always liked including myself in the 20 something category. growing up but not quite grown up. you're an adult, but still recognize that you're part kid. i've enjoyed the navigating of adulthood and all of my new first time experiences. a new job, my first "grown-up" paycheck, growth, being old enough to buy a car. but it seems like the older i've gotten, the more aware i've become of my short-lived stay in the 'twenties' and the pressure to fit the mold of all of the rest of the twentyfourist. 

i started to think about how easy it is to become controlled by our age. and the expectation of what your age signifies to everyone else. how old you should be by the time you graduate, buy your first house, get married, have kids, start your retirement. suddenly it seems like there are all these benchmarks to meet, even when they don't match the goals you're trying to reach. 

forget molds.

because as easy it is to forget, you're free to do what you want with your life. the problem is, that can be quite the responsibility, to live your life the way you want to, rather than the way you are expected to. especially if that means taking a big jump. and especially that jump may feel like a free fall. maybe quit your first job and go back to school if that feels right. get married or don't. maybe you drop out of school or chop off your hair. maybe you change your mind. end a relationship that no longer serves you. become a different person. maybe you move away or move back home. or maybe you're scared to do all these things because it is uncomfortable and unexpected. maybe it's because you don't know if anything would fall into place or you scared what that would mean if it did. 

and when you're in your twenties, i hope you buy a plane ticket to paris. i hope you get lost wandering all of the streets. i hope you travel the world and read lots of new books. i hope you have interesting conversation over cups of tea. i hope you drink out of mason jars while dancing barefoot on the grass. i hope you go party and do something crazy. set goals and change them. quit your day job. i hope you don't do any of these things or you do them all. write a book. change your mind. start new friendships and let go of the one that you need to. say goodbye to all of the things that have kept you on stagnant and vow to keep moving forward. 

i hope your fifties mean going back to school or starting yoga. i hope your fourties include falling in love with someone new- a friend, child, or partner. i hope you stay up all night laughing with your friends. and when you're thirty, learn something new. i hope your life is one of wisdom and youth, adventure and old age- no matter what year it was that you were born. 

but what i really mean to say is that i hope you aren't held back because of a number. and that you don't rush into things because it feels like time is slipping by. i hope you do what's right for you. hold on. slow down. and breathe in. your age is your age. but more importantly, your life is your life. don't change your journey so that it matches someone elses. we need to walk different path so the whole world can be explored. revel in the differences. and enjoy where you are. 

here. right here. 




Love,
Yuna ♥

I've been thinking about writing this blog post for two days now. in fact on a semi-daily basis i sit down on my bed with laptop on my lap, hot chocolate at hand, with the intention of writing. and then i get side tracked. side tracked by the endless internet information that so easily lures you away from where you intended to go. side tracked by the sleep that lulls me in at the end of the day. and side tracked by the other efforts i'm investing my energy in. but at the end of the day, what this mostly means is that my daily choices are not leading me closer to my long term goals.


and what i know is that inaction does not lead to progress, completion, or results.


i've been making an effort to go to hot yoga lately. i've found that while i work to challenge my body physically, i've also been strengthening my mind through this practice. there is something about strenuous posing and deep breathing that really works for me. but mostly i like the fact that each time i go, i get something different out of it and learn something new about myself. 


self-discipline has been on my heart this week.


first, you should know that i am a beginner at yoga (level 1). secondly, you should know that i am only be able to attend the level 2 yoga class. literally and figuratively, i'm stretching at each class and challenging my flexibility. during last class, my yoga instructor prompted us to find the discipline within ourselves that would allow us hold a difficult pose for just a little longer, that strength and drive that would see us through the challenge and to the next moment. throughout the class he encouraged us to find and develop that discipline on and off the mat. and while i understood how discipline is defined, it took a lot of reflection before i understood what it means for me. 


i believe discipline is what moves you forward from one step to the next after motivation has wore off. discipline is what keeps you going long after you wanted to stop or giving up. i think that discipline is about that internal struggle you experience when deciding between short term satisfaction and long term accomplishment. i'm the kind of person that generally runs off of motivation and inspiration. but as i train a half marathon, work towards a healthier lifestyle and continue to accomplishing career goals, i've learned that progress can be slow. i've found that despite how much i want to succeed with these endeavors, short term gratification can easily get in the way. but i'm also learning to remember that my behaviors are choices. 


i've learned that the part of the reward of crossing the finish line is the journey you take to get there. and while motivation may be the flame that start the fire, discipline is the fuse that keeps the internal drive burning. for me, it's all about lengthening that fuse. not letting the fire burn out before i got to see how far i can go. i often wonder how far we'd all get if we never gave up, if we all got to that exact place we've always hoped to reach. if we all tried our hardest every single day to get there. i'd like to think we'd all be smiling, glad that we finished and grateful that we persevered. and while i continue to work on developing this discipline, i'm also working on being mindful of my behaviors.. paying attention to what my actions are saying about the direction i'm headed. i've been asking myself if what i'm doing now is getting me to where i wanna be. and i'm learning to take that deep breath in and push forward, onward, upward. 


yoga or not, i hope you find it too. i hope you have a goal you are working toward and i hope you see it through to the end. i hope your motivation gets you started and that your self-discipline helps you to finish. i hope you remember that challenges built strength and personal growth comes from pushing yourself beyond the previous limitation you set for yourself. and on days that are harder than others, i hope you look for that internal drive and remember what it is you are working for. and on the days that you are ready to give up, i hope you put one foot in front of the other with faith that you will get there soon. 

Morning everybody,